


A Kiss for the Books

by fujinumasatorus



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-14 01:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16483580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fujinumasatorus/pseuds/fujinumasatorus
Summary: “Changkyun,” the whisper came again against the nape of his neck. That he noticed. Kiyhun’s silky voice sent a chill down his spine. “You’re not working.”





	A Kiss for the Books

It wasn’t the right place, but that didn’t stop them. With every fleeting glance towards one another, they got so caught up until they ceased vacillation. A private room in the library was meant to be used for quiet study sessions. If a student was going to take all effort to get to the building, wait for assistance, and use their ID to rent the space, it was assumed to be used for appropriate matters.

At the beginning of these meetings, Kihyun and Changkyun weren’t doing anything more than minuscule kisses behind a folder or gentle touches under the desk where hands remained unnoticed, yet they were still aware of the risks their gestures weighed. Public displays of affection certainly weren’t wanted in a library and the thought of anything more was off limits, at first. Two months in the semester passed with the blink of an eye. Each session led to a new daring move, the hesitation to do more faded every time. Whatever was happening between the two wasn’t supposed to spiral, but hands lingered, kisses became more than a press of lips. 

They had been in the room for under an hour with the intention of studying for a physics exam. It had been a quiet affair, the most prominent noises a pencil marking up a sheet or vigorous erasing after having made a mistake. That focus though, only lasted so long. The younger’s will to study was already long gone, a new interest already looming in his mind. 

Changkyun put down his pencil and slipped a hand under the table. He rubbed his palm against the fabric of his pants wiping away any dampness before he shifted it to Kihyun’s thigh beside him. From the corner of his eye he watched as Kihyun temporarily ceased writing, then quickly started again not yet giving into temptation. The simple action wasn’t enough to tear his elder’s focus from work. Changkyun knew he was going to make this a challenge. If he wanted the other’s attention, he was going to have to work for it.

Changkyun spread out his hand, long fingers reached towards his inner thigh and curved putting the other in a light hold. His thumb rubbed small circles on the other side. A sigh escaped him as he leaned against the palm of his own unoccupied hand. Kihyun gave no reaction. Instead he flipped the page of his textbook, glued intent on staying where they were, and continued writing. 

Changkyun bit his lip. Still nothing. What could he do without blatantly slipping out of his chair and straddling his classmate? He had more of a fight in him, of course. He had to try something else.

“Hyung,” he called, voice low only to be ignored.

Changkyun rolled his chair as close as it could get. He leaned in closer, now inches from the other’s face. His hand no longer stayed where is laid, instead he rubbed up and down the warm area of his upper leg, dragging his nails lightly against the fabric.

“Hyung,” he tried once more as he wiggled in his seat. He purposefully sounded breathy, a little more desperate, but as long as he got the elder’s attention it didn’t matter. He mentally cheered as he saw the grip on Kihyun’s pencil tighten. He had to keep pushing.

He dragged his hand up Kihyun’s arm, over his shoulder, until his hand met his jaw. He rested fingers under the man’s face and turned it enough so he could stare directly into his eyes, relishing in the soft brown color. His left thumb swiped over his lips, the warm air exhaled was close enough to be felt as he whispered. Kihyun visibly stiffened.

“You had something on your face.”

And then Changkyun moved away. He lifted his hand, dragged his notebook, and sat at the opposite side of the table, removing himself from the thick atmosphere. Kihyun groaned under his breathe when Changkyun resumed writing notes. His dark eyes narrowed while the younger paid no mind.

Changkyun had undoubtedly gotten the other’s attention. Knowing Kihyun would give a positively enticing reaction, he waited for what response. Changkyun loved riling him up. The other was serious, commanding. He wouldn’t let the younger boy get away with teasing. When he came undone, he was visually captivating. 

To his disappointment, Changkyun glanced up and saw Kihyun was already back to writing as if he hadn’t been disturbed at all. He pouted knowing another attempt would have to be made, but Changkyun couldn’t think of what to do next. He tapped his pencil against the table, mind sifting through ideas instead of returning to his work.

Minutes passed when Changkyun heard a shuffle under the table. Before he could check to see if anything had fallen over he choked at an unexpected press against him.

His shifted his eyes down to his lap. There he saw Kihyun’s foot rubbing against his thighs, slow, firm. He had removed his shoe, kneading slow as he inched towards his stomach. His eyes shot up, noticing Kihyun’s unchanged facial expression. 

“Something wrong, Changkyun? I don’t hear you writing anymore,” he asked nonchalant. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” he tried to keep an even voice. He wasn’t going to be the first to crumble. “Actually, it’s just really hot in here.” He used a hand to fan himself. “I think I should pull off my jacket, I don’t think the air is working like it should.”

Kihyun gulped. Changkyuns husky voice cut through his ears finally tearing his attention away form the work.

“Maybe you should, you wouldn’t want to be uncomfortable.”

Changkyun pulled off his jacket as sensually as he could. He slowly slid the fabric off his shoulders, head tilted backwards to expose the smooth area of his neck. He bit down on his bottom lip as he threw the clothing article to the table. 

“Better?” Their eyes were locked, neither shying away. 

“Not quite,” he drawled. “Will you fan me?” he asked with a bat of his eye lashes. 

“Needy aren’t you?” He quirked up the side of his mouth.

“Are you willing to help?” There was a pregnant pause. Changkyun desperately hoped Kihyun was done teasing.

“You’ll take what I give you. Come here,” the swift command sent a chill up his spine. It was exactly what he wanted.

Changkyun rushed out of his seat back to where Kihyun sat. The man sitting wrapped an arm around his waist pressing Changkyun’s legs between his knees. He ran nimble fingers up and down the fabric of his shirt, tickling his sides. Changkyun released a shaky breathe, absolutely loving the feeling of when the other touched him.

His palms tracked further up until they met the base of his neck. A short tug and Changkyun’s head was pulled down, closer to Kihyun’s. Eyes poured into his own, making his adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.

Kihyun’s fingers tapped against his throat, each second that passed left Changkyun in agony. He wanted to jump the gun and press his lips to his upperclassman’s but he knew Kihyun wouldn’t appreciate it. He would push the younger away for his impatience. He could wait. The control he had over him was arousing.

“What do you want?”

He inhaled sharply, taking his time with what he wanted respond. “Anything you’ll give me,” he decided on.

“Anything? Are you sure? I think you need to be more specific.” Kihyun gaze were burned at his face. Every expression he made was carefully watched. “I could leave you here right now. Perhaps you want to be alone.”

Changkyun took a hold of Kihyun, his arms lifted up and rested on his shoulders. The latter raised an eyebrow, but didn’t make him remove his hands.

“I want you to kiss me,” Kihyun nodded. “I want you to hold me close.” The corner of Kihyun’s mouth twitched up, satisfaction evident at Changkyun’s suggestions. 

“Do you deserve a kiss? You seemed to be playing with me earlier.” The grip on his shoulder tightened causing his breathe to hitch.

“I wanted your attention.”

“Well, you got it.”

Kihyun directed his thighs forward letting Changkyun straddle him. The chair barely wide enough to hold both of them, but it had to be the last thing on their minds. Kihyun finally knocked his hands from his shoulders and whispered “no touching” just below his ear, leaving him to grip the arm rests instead. 

He couldn’t move sure, but being directed was gratifying. Testing whether or not he could stand to listen was just as pleasurable as having been ordered. Kihyun peppered chaste kisses along his jaw. One hand gripped his hip while the other had crept up to grasp the hair just above his neck. A short tug forced his head into tilt, leaving it open to press lips against his neck.

Each kiss was done with an open mouth, but short lived. Changkyun wanted to lean in closer, melt into each one. He shivered as Kihyun reached his jaw. His lips were soft, in contrast to how he handled Changkyun firmly. He tried to keep as still as possible though he desperately wanted to move his hips closer. 

“You’re doing so well,” Kihyun whispered, having shifted to the opposite side of his face. He nipped at Changkyun’s ear.

Changkyun nodded. His breathe left him as he watched Kihyun smile, bright teeth peeking through. Kihyun started with another peck. Both hands moved to his neck pulling down, taking going in for a longer kiss. 

Their mouths moved slow, in no hurry to push away from each other. The prolonged gestures turned him to liquid. Kihyun took his time to suck on his bottom lip, leaving him to hold his breathe. 

He wanted more, he had held out so long. His fingers stayed glued to the handles, he was nearly about to let go and grab the lapels of Kihyun’s collar when a sharp knock from the wooden door broke apart their display. Kihyun pushed Changkyun away, tapped his legs instructing him to stand, he did so reluctantly. His eyes wanted to linger, take in the sight of Kihyun with parted lips, ragged breathe, but he couldn’t.

The elder motioned his head in the direction of the door as he fixed his disheveled shirt so Changkyun could answer. He cleared his throat as he reached for the silver door handle. He put on a smile despite being displeased the pair was interrupted, finding a short girl stood before him with a clipboard in hand.

“Your time slot is ending in a few minutes. Please clean the area for the next group,” she stated formally.

He nodded his head and she walked down to the next door, presumably to inform them of the same thing. The door echoed as it was closed, temporarily ceasing the silence. Chankyun looked to Kihyun, then his backpack. There was no stopping the fact that they needed to leave, so he started packing. Better being ready than to have the assistants breathe down their necks that they went over time.

Kihyun must have thought the same for he started placing the pencils in their designated pouch. It wasn’t always awkward, when they left each other, Changkyun didn’t like the atmosphere when it was. He cleared his throat making another attempt at filling the devoid space. 

“Did you get a decent amount of work done?” he asked. While he himself didn’t do as much as he could have, perhaps Kihyun completed more.

“Not as much as I wanted, but enough. I was near the end of the section when I got a little distracted,” he emphasized the last word. A smug grin fell on Changkyun’s face. 

“Guess we’ll have to meet up again so we can get things done,” he spoke, hoping not to sound too eager. Kihyun only chuckled, meaning he probably had anyways. He wasn’t ashamed acting keen, after all, in their next session they’d find themselves doing the same as they had before.

“See you Wednesday,” Kihyun spoke after a stretched silence. 

“Yeah, see you.” It took another moment before the two gave one final wave and walked away in different directions. 

With their study session over, Changkyun made his way over to a restaurant on the corner of campus to meet his roommate for lunch. While he was usually elated after being with Kihyun, then he did not feel the same. Being interrupted was part of it, though that he couldn’t complain considering their poor timing. The actual reason fell on their relationship itself, or better worded, their lack of. 

Two months of sneaking around and they had never established anything more. Changkyun was wary of bringing up the subject, since Kihyun who was very direct, had not said a word. As much as he wanted to, hesitation stopped him before he could.

Minhyuk was already comfortable in their preferred table which sat by the window. It was a perfect fit for two with a nice view of the plants outside. Before he sat, he ordered his food the front counter. Money spent, tray in head, he headed towards the unoccupied chair which waited for him.

“Hey,” he announced himself.

Minhyuk shot out from his seat and pulled him into tight hug from behind as his arms were full. Unable to hug back, he leaned into the other’s chest. He appreciated Minhyuk’s warm greetings, it dulled the uneasiness he felt just the slightest.

“How was your date?” he asked after they sat.

Changkyun choked, quickly covering it with a cough as he faced his friend.

“I didn’t have a date,” he defended. Minhyuk watched him with curious eyes, not shifting his gaze away. Changkyun turned from the look to avoid crumbling. 

“Is that a bruise on your neck?” he questioned, reaching a hand out towards him. 

Changkyun’s hand immediately covered himself in a panic and slapped away Minhyuk’s. Just as fast as he put it on his skin, he took it off. They hadn’t been doing anything long enough for a bruise to form, there couldn’t have been one there.

Minhyuk grinned from ear to ear as Chankgyun tossed him a weak glare.

“I just felt a fly on my neck that’s all,” he tried.

“Right,” he didn’t even pretend to believe the other. “So when am I gonna meet him?”

Minhyuk knew about Changkyun’s study sessions. The few first he didn’t think anything of them, because those were the only ones where nothing happened. After the first time a kiss was stolen, Changkyun returned to their dorm flustered, his roommate sensed something off right away. It only took a moment of thinking to guess something occurred when he was supposed to be studying. While Minhyuk prodded, he never gave away any information to the other’s questions.

“There’s no one to meet. We’re not anything,” he deflated. It was a cruel reminder, but also one couldn’t deny they had never established more than kisses and gropes in an indecent spot.

“Come on! I want to meet the guy you’re head over heels for.”

“I’m not,” his voice cracked. “I’m not head over heels for him,” he whined.

Minhyuk sighed. He lifted his chair and dropped it beside Changkyun’s to sit directly next to him rather than across. While he teased, Changkyun knew he cared a lot. It was reassuring when he started rub small circles into his back. He leaned into the warmth of his arm.

“Maybe not head over heels. But, you still like him right?” He gave up and nodded. It was the first time he actually affirmed to the other’s question. “Has anything changed? It’s been awhile and I know I asked you before but I’m always waiting for the moment something does.”

“Nothing really. We just kinda make out, but you had already guessed that.”

Minhyuk hummed, tapping his fingers against the table. Changkyun watched each pressed against the hardwood, the thrumming sound almost eased him.

“Are you gonna ask him out?”

Changkyun shook his head. In all the time they had been together, he never had the courage to ask, and he certainly wasn’t about to gain it in a day.

“I can’t just do that. What if he doesn’t even like me?” Sure they fooled around in the library once and awhile, or a lot, but the thought that Kihyun only did it with him as a way to pass the time or as mere temporary satisfaction plagued his mind. 

“Of course he likes you. He makes out with you of all people in the library almost three times a week.”

Changkyun scoffed. Minhyuk trying to reassure with a casual insult thrown in certainly did not help.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way. Entirely. You know I love you.”

“Yeah, I know,” he crossed his arms, purposefully not facing the other. So he could be a bit stubborn, he was younger after all. 

“Not even gonna say it back?” Minhyuk rubbed his hands up and down his arms.

“No, I hate you.” Minhyuk pouted, resting his head against Changkyun’s shoulder like a puppy desperate for attention. His composure broke eventually, lips cracking a grin.

“But really, I think you should go for it. If I’m wrong, which you know I never am, I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

He didn’t press him further, letting the subject drop there and changed it to plans for the weekend. Changkyun was grateful, but the questions still lingered in the back of his mind.

-

Two days later Changkyun and Kihyun found themselves in the library once more. They hadn’t rented a room this time, since it could only be done so often. Instead they sat crammed into the confines of small, personal cubicle set against the walls of the upper floors. It was a tight squeeze, leaving little room to shift their chairs, but neither of them complained. Being that close, their shoulders brushed, knees occasionally knocked against each other’s.

Changkyun had lost interest in their assignment less than ten minutes into it. He stared down at the paper not absorbing any of the words printed. His mind more intent on how he would get his study partner’s attention.

Being outside of the rooms, they were subjected to the cameras that hung from the ceiling, though those he was least worried about. He guessed the security which monitored the area paid little attention to a scene that wasn’t stirring up trouble. While he did want to steal a kiss, he didn’t want to be seen by any of the others on the floor. One of the convenient aspects of the study rooms was privacy, here he felt exposed. If Kihyun felt similarly, perhaps he wouldn’t appreciate a kiss outside. Thankfully few people were actually in the area, but the worry still remained as they sat out in the open. The bright lights that illuminated the floor felt like a spotlight placed directly above them.

“Changkyun,” a voice whispered. He didn’t register it, too absorbed in his thoughts to hear anything around him. His fingers twirled the pencil he held round and round in circles. 

“Changkyun,” the whisper came again against the nape of his neck. That he noticed. Kiyhun’s silky voice sent a chill down his spine. “You’re not working.”

He turned to see Kihyun in the corner of his eye. Their shoulders were pressed together, the elder no longer hunched over his notes. He didn’t back his face away when Changkyun turned, rather he tilted his head up, so he could look into his eyes. For a moment he couldn’t think. He swiped his tongue over his lips, having felt they were chapped.

“I just,” he groped for an excuse. “Was thinking.”

“Thinking about what?” Kihyun tilted his head slightly as he asked the question. He couldn’t help but find the raise of his eyebrows adorable. 

While normally the two would play a game of who would crack first, who would show that they were the one desperate for attention, Changkyun wasn’t feeling up to it. Kihyun’s face was already so close, his attention moved away from their work, directed right where he wanted it. Why waste the chance?

“Thinking about you,” he said unwavered.

They were never direct with words right from the beginning, so any spoken straightforwardness was unexpected. At the sight of Kihyun’s face gone pink, lips shaped as he whispered, “oh,” Changkyun certainly didn’t regret the new approach. 

“How could I not be with you so close?” He continued, struck with a new wave of confidence. Chankyun peaked over his shoulder to make sure no one was in sight before he lifted a hand between the two and gently brushed his thumb over his cheek. The sound of Kihyun’s dropping the pencil he had been holding echoed on the side.

Changkyun moved forward and pressed a feather light kiss to the corner of the elder’s mouth. His skin was soft and smooth, easy to run his fingers over. He grinned as he pulled away, satisfied that Kihyun looked awestruck. Pride welled inside him having known he was able to throw the other off balance. 

Changkyun had the upper hand, but lost it in no time at all. Unexpectedly, Kihyun wrapped his arms around Changkyun’s neck and ran one hand through the soft, black locks on the back of his head. In a second their faces were mere centimeters away. Before he could respond Kihyun closed the distance to bite down on his bottom lip, leaving him to gasp.

The loss of control only fueled Kihyun more. He connected their mouths so deep until Changkyun’s only focus was the open lips against his. Kihyun had him locked in, fingers grasped tight, but not rough enough that he needed to complain. He couldn’t help but hold his arms around Kihyun as well, gripping the back of his red sweater.

With how much time they spent in the library together, the pair already knew just how move. Each press was familiar, but still just as the exhilarating as the first time they had. Kihyun’s mouth fit perfectly against his, knowing exact what angle to lean in at. With the elder’s calculated movements, Changkyun fell to putty in his grasp. 

He completed ignored the time that passed, not wanting to be let go, but there came a point where he needed to breathe. He muffled a groan and was able to pull back to get air. Kihyun made sure he didn’t get very far though. Changkyun broke their kiss, but still leaned their foreheads against one another. For a moment, the only thing filling the air was the sound of their irregular breathing.

Kihyun was warm, his face so beautiful Changkyun was ready to watch as long as he could. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so intoxicated by another person. He couldn’t deny how much he wanted the other. He wanted Kihyun to want him too. He wanted to believe Minhyuk’s words.

“Kihyun, I,” he started only to be cut off by a vibration on the desk. Both turned to see the offending object. It was Changkyun’s phone. He scowled and the two removed themselves from each other’s grasp for the younger to answer. He uttered an apology and lifted the phone to his ear.

“What,” he whispered, irritation seeping through the word.

“Changkyunnie, I need your help,” Minhyuk whined from the other end of the line. 

“Right now?” He shifted his eyes to the side.

“I forgot my keys in the apartment and I really need to get my notes because I have class in twenty minutes I’m really sorry,” he rushed out the words. He exhaled a deep sigh.

“I’ll go now, just give me a few minutes,” he spoke before he hung up the phone. “Sorry, hyung, I have to go,” voice apologetic as he avoided the other’s eye.

Of course Minhyuk would forget his key at the worst time. If Kihyun’s face fell, he didn’t see. He couldn’t face him knowing all that build up was for naught. The whole situation had been too heavy. His mind gone murky from the fervor. He didn’t dare mention the conversation he was about to start before being cut off. He rose from where he sat and packed up his belongings into his backpack.

“It’s fine,” the other responded finally. Chankgyun wasn’t sure if he was imagining the disappointment in his voice, having thought it was only there because he wanted it to be. He scooted in the seat back to the desk, tapping the back he before he walked out. Kihyun still wasn’t looking him in the eye.

“I’ll see you on Friday?” he asked weakly.

“Yeah, same time.”

“See you,” he called awkwardly, not waiting for a response back. He huffed as he walked out of the library and to his nearby dorm.

Minhyuk hollered as soon as Changkyun came in sight. He waved his hands wildly as if his roommate couldn’t see. Changkyun rolled his eyes at the exaggeration, but picked up his speed into a jog until he got to the door. With his key already in the he unlocked so Minhyuk could rush inside.

Changkyun walked into the room much slower and slipped off his shoes. His quiet movements were drowned by the erratic shuffling done by Minhyuk to collect his school work. Already comfortable in his house slippers, he made way to the couch when Minhyuk rushed back into the room, notes hastily grasped in his hands.

“Thank you thank you,” he repeated, pulling Changkyun into an embrace from behind before running to class. He sighed as the sound of the door slamming ricocheted off the walls.

He was alone in the room, silence enveloped the area. He was glad to help Minhyuk, but at the same time it cost him his time with Kihyun. His gentle and warm peck had been replaced with one full of a fiery passion that engulfed him. Having to leave in the middle of such an exchange was disappointing.

He buried his face into the plush couch pillow, groaning as he thought back to the library. When Kihyun kissed him, he felt consumed. Every time they met up, excitement filtered through his entire body like never before. He was ashamed to admit he wanted more, which was why he hadn’t said anything so far. 

After everything that happened between them, with how euphoric he felt in the middle and after it, he wondered if Kihyun felt the same.

-

Kihyun entered his own apartment less than an hour later. After Changkyun left he couldn’t focus. The quiet floor had started to suffocate him, so he packed up his books and left the library. Even in the familiar comfort of his own home, he still felt a weight riding on his shoulders, though he ignored the agitation. After he removed his shoes, he made way to the living room where he spotted Hyungwon.

“Hey,” the man called without looking up from his laptop.

Kihyun hummed in response, giving nothing more as he sat on the opposite end of the couch. He didn’t reach for the remote or pull out his phone, he just sat, not feeling in the right mind to do anything more. He ran his up and down the fabric of his pants trying to wipe away any uneasiness as it was physically attached. His stomach felt like it was eating itself from inside out, the twitch of his hands did nothing to alleviate the feeling. He felt around for his water bottle hoping a drink weaken the nagging. 

“What’s got you in a sour mood?”

Kihyun’s head shot up at the call. Hyungwon had stopped typing and instead stared at him with a raised eye brow.

“I’m not in a sour mood.”

“You really are. You’ve been here for two minutes and you’ve done nothing but glare holes into table. I’m surprised it hasn’t combusted.”

“This is how I always am.”

Kihyun shook his head. He may have zoned out for a moment, but he certainly wasn’t glaring. He ignored the attempts to rile him up, figuring it was nothing more than the other wanting to bicker as he finally pulled his water out of his backpack and took a drink.

“I know that, you’re just worse off than usual. Did your little boyfriend ditch you?”

Kihyun spit out the water before he could swallow. He backtracked, replaying the sentence. There’s no way Hyungwon should have known about Changkyun, not that they were dating in the first, he was just the first person that came to mind. Kihyun frowned at himself for having made the assumption.

“Excuse me?” he asked weakly. 

“I was kidding. I didn’t think it was actually about him, but thanks for confirming it. The kid from your physics class? The one you study with,” Hyungwon moved his laptop and changed his position so he leaned closer. “Or rather, don’t study with.”

A knowing glint crossed his eyes, dangerous, putting Kihyun on guard.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Feigning ignorance was the only response he could think of in the moment. If he didn’t stop this conversation soon, his anxiety would only escalate. 

“Oh come on, you think I don’t know you go to the library every week to ‘study’,” the word emphasized with finger quotes. “Yet all you do is mack on the kid.”

Kihyun grimaced at the word choice. It gave the impression him and Changkyun were unexperienced teenagers figuring out how to kiss for the first time. He opened his mouth fully prepared to deny the accusations, but Hyungwon raised a hand cutting him off.

“I already know you’re gonna argue, so let me stop you there.” 

His grim expression was countered with a self satisfied grin. If denial wouldn’t be believed, Kihyun had no idea what to say in response. His mind raced, several thoughts forming then escaping at once. How did Hyungwon know? How long had he known? Did he actually think they were dating? Did it seem like they were?

Too preoccupied with his own thoughts, he failed to notice when Hyungwon had moved closer to him. The other’s weight was suddenly draped next to him, long frame pressed centimeters from his side.

He glanced between his roommate and his lap, noticing he had started scratching at his pants legs. Hyungwon reached over, covering Kihyun’s hand with his own to stop the erratic movements.

“I didn’t mean to make you freak out. Are you okay?”

Kihyun shook his head, neglecting to answer the question and instead asked one of his own. He needed to know one thing. His voice was quieter than he intended when he spoke.

“How did you know?”

“I saw you in the library a few weeks back. In the cubicles on the side,” he shrugged. “I saw him kiss you.”

“Oh.”

Him and Changkyun had been caught. A majority of the time, they had been careful. In the private study rooms, there was never a problem. In the cubicles, well, after having made sure they were safe once, they did not bother to check again. It was easy to get completely absorbed within each other.

Silenced lingered. Hyungwon either could not think of anything else to say or was waiting for Kihyun to speak something more. 

“We’re not dating,” he started. “He doesn’t like me anyways.”

“What do you mean he doesn’t like you?”

“I know I started this, it’s my fault,” Hyungwon tightened the grip on his hand to prevent him from flailing once more. “But whatever has happened, is all there is to it. There’s nothing more.”

Hyungwon hummed, but Kihyun was sure he didn’t agree with him. But was really all there was to it. Changkyun had never asked for more, neither had he. They had little contact outside of studying and class, there was never a chance to start something more. He admittedly had thought about it, but never acted on it. He was unsure if he should.

“You’re sure?”

He hesitated in giving a response. He felt he should say yes, that there would not ever be anything more than what they already had, but wishful thinking that Changkyun did reciprocate feelings remained in his mind. From the gentle caresses to longing glances, the quiet conversations shared with eyes and smiles, he wanted there to be. 

“He doesn’t like me,” Kihyun finished. If Hyungwon didn’t believe him, he chose to stay quiet rather than initiate another argument. “If he did he would have said something.”

“But do you like him?”

Kihyun didn’t want to answer, and he couldn’t keep the silence for too long. Hyungwon was already on his trail but it’s not a conversation he wanted to continue. He stood, and his roommate let go of his hand.

“What do you want for dinner, I’ll make whatever you want.”

“Kihyun,” he called, voice worried.

“Come on, get your coat. We’ll go to the store.”

Hyungwon nodded, accepting the offer instead. He trailed behind letting the subject as they left their apartment.

-

Friday came around almost instantaneously. Kihyun wasn’t in the mood to study for 90 minutes, but leaving Changkyun without notice wasn’t something he was prepared to do. His head felt light, a tingling sensation ran up and down his arms. He ignored it as he reluctantly hauled himself up with his backpack and made way to the building located center campus.

Changkyun was already seated at a table rested against the wall of the main floor, having explained all of the cubicles were occupied. His mood dampened further. Unable to change that, he settled into his seat. He pulled his papers and pencils from his backpack and laid them out orderly in front of himself. He read one sentence on the topic of thermonuclear dynamics and deflated. 

His mind refused to leave the fact that they now sat surrounded by other students studying, or at least pretending to. Even in the cubicles they had a minuscule amount of seclusion. There, they were completely exposed, vulnerable for all those around to see. Kihyun’s posture stiffened.

He had to double take at his own discontent, a realization rushed over him. When was the last time him and Changkyun went a study session without getting… distracted? Had they spent every meeting acting with some physical affection? Now that they physically couldn’t, he felt empty.

“Kihyun?” A deep voice broke his train of thought. He looked up to see dark eyes staring at him behind circular rimmed frames. The glasses suited Changkyun well, Kihyun swallowed. “Is everything alright?” there was concern in his voice, though subtle. 

“Everything’s fine. Great,” trying to convince himself more than anything. His voice was steady, but apprehensive eyes remained on him. “I promise,” he tried once more.

“Okay,” Changkyun relented easily. “Let me know if you’re not feeling well.”

He nodded, not saying anything more. He lowered his head and focused his attention on his work. It was twenty questions due the upcoming Wednesday, his goal was to have his assignments complete minimum two days before it had to be turned in. The temptation to wait to work on it grew stronger.

His mind couldn’t stay still, too distracted by Changkyun sitting before him. He didn’t know what to think now that Hyungwon knew about them. He even called the other his boyfriend, but they weren’t that. He wasn’t sure which part of that made him the most upset. It had been awhile since everything started, yet without any definition to what they were, it was like nothing happened in the first place.

They had met on the first day of class, when Changkyun walked in late. He entered the class without drawing attention only to find that all seats were taken, except for the lone seat next to Kihyun in the first row. All eyes eventually went to him as he slipped in the front, even Kihyun sparing him a glance, before going back to the syllabus.

Next to him, the boy kept shuffling in his seat as he settled down his bag. Kihyun remembered how his eyes twitched. He sent over a glare when the noise refused to cease. It was a poor first impression.

He was overjoyed when the class ended just to leave the room. He hoped not to see the boy again, but to his dismay, Changkyun sat next to him again the next class. He himself was a man of routine, he had picked the seat he was most comfortable with and didn’t want to change it. So he stayed. 

When class assignments filtered in, Changkyun surprised him by asking to study. He was fully prepared to say no, but the other boy tilted his head to the side, hopeful eyes bled into his own. He said yes. 

It only took three sessions of staring at the other, noticing the curves of his facial features, watching clumsy gestures, before he slipped and initiated their first kiss. It was short press of the lips, but left the two blushing messes. Before Kihyun could spout a word, Changkyun promised to see him again and left.

Kihyun was worried it was the end of their meetings, that he completely ruined any sort of friendship they had built up, but he wasn’t upset at the other because of his own mistake. It was something he accepted reluctantly. He was dumbfounded when the next class came and he asked when they would meet again. 

His astonishment only continued when the next time they sat in the library, Changkyun stayed close. He almost thought he had been imagining it when their legs brushed or fingers touched longer than they should have.

From then on, each meeting held a new surprise, yet they never discussed what happened. He had more or less forced himself not to dwell on it, but with lack of distraction from, his mind wandered. 

His foot shook attempting to relieve the anxiety which had welled up. They hadn’t spoken outside of class besides to confirm they would meet again, so at this point he shouldn’t be upset that they hadn’t. He wasn’t sure why is was bothering him now. Changkyun was only doing this for short lived satisfaction and he had to accept that. 

“Hyung,” Changkyun nearly shouted, breaking through his onslaught of thoughts. Kihyun blinked to find his wooden pencil snapped, only part remaining in his grasp. A few heads had whipped in their direction at the sudden outburst. The other half had flung across the table making its way to his partner’s paper.

“I,” he started, “I don’t know what happened.”

“It’s fine,” Changkyun reassured, immediately standing from his seat. “Let’s get out of here.” He wasn’t given a second to think before the other started packing up his belongings. He went as far as to put Kihyun’s papers in his folder and throw away the broke pencil in the nearest trash can. 

Kihyun felt dazed as he put away his things and was led outside by Changkyun’s hand. He completely followed the other, giving no protest as he was pulled along. Warmth crept up his arms, lessening the cold wave that has rushed over him.

Changkyun completely led him away from the library. They sat outside of a coffee shop on campus, surprisingly there was next to no one outside. The younger man had run inside to get him some water before sitting next to him, reassuring him several times that he would only be inside for a moment. When he came back out they sat close enough for their thighs to press against each other.

Changkyun waited, not wanting to force any sort of conversation if Kihyun wasn’t ready. He wordlessly handed over the cup of water and did nothing more. It was only quiet for a few minutes before he spoke.

“Thank you,” he started, voice small, though it wasn’t his intention. Losing his composure even for a moment had been draining. There was too much difficulty trying to process his emotions. He had snapped in the middle of the library surrounded by dozens of other students. They didn’t know him sure, but knowing he had made a fool of himself left a sour taste in his mouth.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s really no problem,” the deep voice poured into his ears. Changkyun words were gentle, flowed slowly not to add any more harm.

Kihyun nodded, not sure what to say next. His parched throat added to his inability to speak, so he took a drink giving him a few more seconds before he was forced saying anything again. He was at least glad to be outside of the library. He had stopped shaking, but he still gripped the plastic cup hard enough to have it bend inwards. He could see the water rise, nearly reaching the top before his lessened the force.

A warm hand came to rest on the small of his back, causing him to flinch. Changkyun kept his palm there, his thumb rubbed gentle circles like he was afraid to cause any more harm. 

Kihyun’s shoulder instinctively moved towards Changkyun’s. He was warm, small, but he still provided the comfort Kihyun needed. It almost felt like they were back in the library. Just the two of them, lost in each other and focused on nothing else. He could probably sit there for hours without needing to move away. He basked in it while he could.

“Kihyun?” The pair lifted their heads to the direction the voice came. His eyes took a moment to focus, but the second they were clear he felt a second wave of panic run through him.

“Hyungwon,” he gulped. Why he had shown up then of all times Kihyun didn’t know, but he was sure the universe was against him. Not that he didn’t love his friend, but at that moment he was one of the last people he wanted to appear. He glared in the direction of his lanky roommate hoping to give the hint he should leave, but it was completely disregarded.

“Who might this be?” he inquired, turning fully to Changkyun. 

“Im Changkyun, I’m Kihyun hyung’s physics partner,” he explained. His voice was light and conversational. He hadn’t seemed to pick up on the fumes radiating beside him. To his surprise, Changkyun had yet to remove the hand from his back. He wondered if Hyungwon could see and felt self conscious. He wasn’t about to remove the hand himself, the action would surely draw attention.

“Ah,” Hyungwon’s eyes widened dramatically, “so this is the Changkyun I’ve heard all about.” 

“Kihyun’s mentioned me before?” his voice asked disbelieving. Kihyun’s throat felt tight, fully aware of what the other was doing. Hyungwon clearly didn’t believe it was just an on the surface relationship, so here he was trying to meddle. He would prepare Hyungwon’s funeral quickly. 

“All the time,” he drawled, each word filtered with amusement. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Changkyun staring. He dared not look over and clenched his fists tighter. 

“Only once or twice, don’t exaggerate,” he spit out. Hadn’t he been teased enough the other day?

“Don’t worry he’s said nothing but good things. Also, I’m Kiyhun’s roommate and best friend.” Hyungwon reached out a hand to shake, Changkyun took it with his that was unoccupied.

“Roommate maybe, but certainly nothing more.”

Hyungwon wouldn’t live long enough for their friendship to continue. His retort was countered with a lazy smile. Kihyun wondered if a swift murder or one that was dragged would be better for his demise. 

Changkyun finally removed his hands, Kihyun immediately missing the warmth, but he held his tongue. If he said anything, it would only encourage his friend more.

“If you’re heading back to your place, Kihyun-hyung should go with you.” Hyungwon raised an eyebrow. “I hope I’m not being too forward, but he isn’t feeling well and should get home as soon as possible to rest.”

Kihyun wanted to argue that he was already fine, but even Hyungwon’s demeanor shifted from playful roommate to concerned family member. He found his shoulder gripped by a familiar, large hand a second later.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“Nothing” Kihyun defended as he smacked the hand away. “I just panicked a bit in the library, it wasn’t a big deal.”

It was only a short lapse, there was no need to blow the situation out of proportion. If anything, Hyungwon’s unsmiling face along with Changkyun’s concerned eyes only refueled the problem. 

“If you’re not feeling well then let’s go,” his voice came out much softer than before, all teasing lost. Kihyun’s gut clenched at the tone, while caring, he didn’t like the fact neither listened to his words.

Changkyun’s hand gripped his forearm as they stood. Anything he wanted to say died on the tip of his tongue when the younger leaned to his ear and whispered, voice pleading.

“Please, Kihyun, you should get home. Being out isn’t helping.” 

As much as he wanted to argue, he couldn’t. Changkyun’s voice so easily ended any protest. After being handed his backpack, Hyungwon looped their arms. Kihyun kept his eyes down, missing the conversation carried between his roommate and his study partner’s eyes. The pair left first with a simple goodbye, Kihyun did not remember much of the walk home, he only followed along completely trusting Hyungwon’s guidance.

-

The next two days were torturous. While Changkyun was glad Kihyun could take the weekend to rest, he agonized over how the other was. He held his phone in his hand composing draft after draft to possibly send to Kihyun. He started typing, then deleted all words unsure of what to say. He wanted to ask if the other was okay. Anxiety was absolutely miserable, he wished he had noticed the other’s discomfort sooner. He wouldn’t have agreed to meet in the crowded library if it was so unnerving. 

The stubborn man he knew might have just worked himself into another issue if he didn’t rest properly. Hyungwon, had seemed concerned enough when he explained how the other was doing, it was another wish in his mind that he would take care of Kihyun.

As much as the curiosity ate away at himself, he couldn’t bring himself to ask anything until Sunday night. His message was brief, but even the few words took a lot out of him to send.

To Kihyun:  
Are you feeling better? Are you still okay to meet tomorrow?

His upperclassman didn’t immediately reply, so he was left to sit and wait. There was no need for impatience, he reminded himself. He would get a response when the other was ready. He glanced at his phone, though. The volume was on, vibrate set as well. He would hear if a message came. He placed back on his desk, opting to work on an assignment instead. 

He had his work directly in front of him, waiting to be completed, yet it remained untouched. The anticipated response kept him from focusing on his the screen of his laptop. He tossed the phone to one of the cushions leaned in the corner of his room, hoping it would prevent him from worrying anymore.

He forced himself to finish typing the essay he had later due in the week. It gave him only the slightest piece of mind. He was able to get two paragraphs done before a noise disrupted him.

His phone had rang from across the room, making him jump off his bed, knocking over the blankets. Shaky hands scrambled to hold the phone steady and read the message.

From Kihyun:  
Doing fine. Yeah, we can still meet. 

Formal sure, but at least he had received a response. If Kihyun already had his phone in hand, he found it pointless to wait and sent a response without delay.

To Kihyun:  
Great! Can’t wait to see you :)

Relief filled his chest. He wasn’t sure what to think if he didn’t receive an answer. Then he at least knew Kihyun was well enough to meet the next day. Changkyun thought the conversation would end there, so as his phone vibrated once more he raised an eyebrow. 

From Kihyun:  
Thank you for everything

A flutter burst in his chest as he read his screen. It wasn’t even much, but the four words made his heart swell. He wanted him to be okay, wanted to be there for him. He needed to talk to Kihyun.

-

On Kihyun’s way to the library, Changkun texted him. His message stated he found a cubicle in the farthest part of the room and there was no one around them. He guessed the latter half of the text was sent in order to calm his nerves, but it didn’t. His minor episode had left him embarrassed and now he had to go face the one who witnessed it. 

He walked over slowly to isolated table, noting that there was in fact no one around. All other students presumably on the lower floors, closer to the doors to leave quickly after their assignments. With the lack of sound, Changkyun easily picked up this foot steps as he stalked closer. The smile his received blinded him, Kihyun tried not to shy away from it. As nervous as he was, his chest felt warm.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Kihyun stared down at Changkyun, holding his gaze as he was wary of sitting down. With a glance at the table top, he saw the younger’s work spread out across the surface. Kihyun wasn’t sure what time he got there, but by the looks of it he was getting work for other classes done. Changkyun tilted his head then proceeded to follow his eyes.

“Sorry,” he choked out, having realized his work was everywhere. “I’m a mess, let me move everything.” He collected his papers to clear the space, Kihyun waited patiently. His cleaning filled the silence. Once done, Changkyun stood from his seat and pulled out the one next to him. 

He muttered his thanks before sitting. Changkyun nodded as he wiped his palms against his pant legs. He looked as unsure as Kihyun felt. Perhaps the awkwardness from Friday’s incident still lingered. As Kihyun scooted closer to the desk, Changkyun rested his hand at the top, mimicking the motion of pushing him in. 

“I brought you tea,” he shouted after he sat back down. He shoved a white plastic cup in Kihyun’s hands, taking the other off guard.

“Thank you.”

“It wasn’t anything, really.” Changkyun scratched at the side of his head.

He pulled out a blue pencil sharpener, and extra pencils. Kihyun stared down at them, he’s sure the other meant well bringing spares, but his mind could only flashback to his broken one from the previous Friday.

“Changkyun,” he snapped without really meaning to. The younger boy flinched, leaving Kihyun to feel guilty. “I mean, it’s fine. I promise. There’s no need to be so awkward. I appreciate the concern but don’t act like I’m helpless and force yourself to walk on egg shells.”

He nodded and apologized, turning back to his work before he could say more to embarrass himself. He needed Changkyun to go back to normal, to not dwell on what has happened the week prior. He needed that for himself as well.

He pulled out his work, wanting to get started on something to serve as a distraction. Physics work as always, he scanned pages searching for the right chapters.

Kihuyn’s got back to his notes slowly, knowing he probably wouldn’t do much, but the smallest amount was better than nothing. The fingers of his left hand tapped the wooden desk, a sort of calming action amidst his work. 

In a second, there was a familiar hand on his own. His own unintentionally stilled, causing his fingers to curl in. Changkyun’s hand had made his way over, probably wanting to comfort him if he was nervously tapping. 

The younger clearly noticed his shudder, as he pulled his fingers back and apologized. Kihyun hadn’t wanted him to move away, he was just surprised at the feeling. 

“What are we doing, Changkyun?”

“What?”

“This,” he pointed fingers between themselves. “Is this all there is?”

The younger visibly gulped. On the surface, their escapades seemed like a dirty, little secret not meant to be mentioned outside of themselves, but ultimately Changkyun wouldn’t be doing such a thing if he didn’t already like Kihyun in the first place. 

The silence had lasted too long. Kihyun’s eyes became shifty, waiting for any sort of response to come out, and when it didn’t, he reached for all of his papers organizing them all to put away.

“Listen, Changkyun,” Kihyun rushed out in the midst of shuffling. “This was fun, it really was, but I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“What?” he finally managed to speak.

“All of this, it was really fun. I had fun,” Kihyun refused to face him., taking the silence as rejection. “But I don’t want to do this anymore especially when-“

“I like you,” Changkyun blurted out, stopping the older man’s sputtering. Kihyun’s hands hovered over his backpack, no longer grabbing for belongings. Changkyun had said it, he finally admitted he liked Kihyun. He wanted to move, look away, but Kihyun’s head whipped around to look face to face.

“You what?” 

Changkyun nearly crumbled against the intense gaze poised in his direction. Kihyun’s eyes were wide, expression expectant, yet fearful. He wanted to tell the other, he had made his decision the night before, he hadn’t expected Kihyun to be the first one to mention it. No need to hold back. He wasn’t going to waste the chance, especially because the words were already out there.”

“I like you, hyung,” he repeated shyly. He rubbed his hands together, letting the soft cream of his sweater fall lower on his arms. “I have for awhile now. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before, I didn’t know how to.”

Kihyun was stunned silent, they were the exact words he wanted to hear, but actually listening to them caught him in headlights. Changkyun did reciprocate his feelings, the whole situation between them wasn’t nothing. Changkyun continued, since Kihyun hadn’t spoken.

“This Friday, is when I knew for sure. I had always liked you, it’s been awhile actually. You, you were anxious. I wanted nothing more than to make sure you were okay.”

Kihyun’s eyes were wide, face heated up and red that went all the way to his ears. His mouth opened and closed, trying to form any words he could. He couldn’t even look directly into Changkyun’s eyes.

“Do you like me, too?”

He inhaled, finally facing Changkyun. He could see the uncertainty, the pleading in his eyes. He’s started into them so many times, admiring the color, the shape. His gaze followed across his face, thinking about how beautiful Changkyun was.

“I like you so much,” he breathed out.

The smile on Changkyun’s face was brighter than any he had seen before. He matched it with his own as he took the other’s hands. Warm, slightly larger than his own, but they fit like a glove. Changkyun laced them together, until their palms were flat against each other. He pressed his face forward planting a short kiss on Kihyun’s lips. Then another and one more until their faces stayed close enough that they only paused between short laughs.

It was something they had done countless times before, but it was sweeter than it had been. Each gentle, but full of want. He couldn’t believe he had ever waited to tell Changkyun how he felt. 

-

He had followed Changkyun to the library, the temptation was too great to resist. His younger roommate had been antsy all weekend and refused to share with Minhyuk a single detail. Even when he pouted, Changkyun insisted nothing was wrong and turned back to his phone. Changkyun didn’t really keep secrets from him, so he was certain it was related to the mystery man from the library, as that was the only thing he was hesitant to share information on.

He was disappointed to find Changkyun actually doing his work he arrived, but he could wait. Minhyuk knew for a fact they met three times a week, he doubted today was different. It took thirty minutes for the man to arrive, and when he did Minhyuk immediately looked away from his phone to watch the scene unfold.

His poor roommate, so awkward, yet endearing. How did this dude not see he was totally whipped. Minhyuk could feel the tension all the way to where he was hidden behind a bookshelf.

Ten minutes in, little happened. Their talk still looked painfully uncomfortable, he wanted to run over there and solve the issue for them, but that would mean exposing himself and Changkyun the little demon would probably murder him later, or worse, hide the PS4 controller.

Minhyuk couldn’t hear them well. When the man next to Changkyun started packing to leave, Minhyuk’s eyes widened. The scene unfolded like a drama he spent his Saturday nights watching. He didn’t know exactly what changed between them, but their discussion continued. Both looked nervous.

Minhyuk barely held in his gasp when the guy pulled Changkyun into a kiss. Both faces masked with blushes, Minhyuk could only assume the two has confessed. He felt it. Following the other had so been worth the trip. 

“You a voyeur or something?” Minhyuk turned and squinted at the gangly man who interrupted him. He hadn’t noticed him before. He was obviously a creep for watching the pair off to the side, since he could see them there too. He conveniently disregarded the fact he was there eyeing them first.

“I could ask the same thing about you.”

“Kihyun is my roommate.” The man nodded in the direction of the couple in the corner. Ah, so that was his name. Minhyuk couldn’t wait to get all this information from he roommate later. 

“Changkyun is my mine.”

“Looks like they’ve finally resolved their tension,” he continued. 

“Thank god, Changkyun was an anxious mess all weekend.” He shook his head looking back on it. He hoped that would all be over considering how well things seemed to be going in the library.

“Well Kihyun wasn’t fairing much better, he’s been a disaster ever since their whole escapade started.”

Minhyuk was glad to know Changkyun’s feelings were shared. His mystery man just as nervous as he had been the entire time. He had acted like a young schoolboy with a crush, cute and innocent. Well maybe not considering the scene before him.

“Want to hang around and pry all the details out of them?” he asked, waggling his eyebrows to joke.

“I’m grossed out by the thought of knowing what Kihyun does, but also curious. Plus I wanna see him embarrassed in front of his crush, so yeah. I will.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was my first time with mx fanfiction lol so please let me know how i did  
> it's been awhile since i've written and im reaaallly trying hard to improve my writing any opinions are appreciated^^  
> i already another story idea to write (for changki again whoops) so let's hope i can get better thank you for reading <3


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